©  Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
www.SoulWiseWays.com

Have you ever seen a person so caught up in their spiritual that they seem to be a little odd, a little tipped? That happens sometimes when a person cannot seem to live effectively in the world, meeting his or her human responsibilities while retaining that inner area of consciousness open to spiritual impuluse. They seem to unable to maintain the spiritual balance of living in the world without being swept up in the world.

So, it’s a question for us to consider:  to what extent can we stay in the marketplace, surrounded by competition, struggle, strife and jealousy that sometimes characterizes business or work, and yet maintain an awareness of that Power and Presence that is unknown to the material world?

That take spiritual balance: the ability to maintain both your spiritual awareness and be effective in the world without veering to one side or the other, blending the two into one harmonious whole.  To do this, we cannot give our whole day over to worldly pursuits, but neither do we give our whole day to meditation.  Yes, we meditation frequently for a minute or two to maintain an awareness of the Presence and our best direction.  Then, we go out and live this awareness by meeting the daily challenges and opportunities the world provides. It is possible to be “in the world but not of the world” as it says in the Bible. And, it requires spiritual balance.

The mystical way is one of intense inner stilness in the midst of incredible outer activity. It calls for a nonattachment to ther things and persons of the world. Not the kind, though, that creates that “crackpot” way of being in the world! Not floating in a vacuum with no base on which to rest. Some attachment is necessary, and it is found only in the Spiritu within which becomes our anchor.  Knowing that we are inseparable and divisibile from Spirit, we can be less and less atttached to the constantly shifting changing picture of the human world.

It is not a good idea for anyone to attempt to live beyond his or her attained state of consciousness. We know we are not at the stage of walking on water, so, we wisely take a boat! We cannot let our egos push us to try to walk on water. That is true folly.

Every difficulty we face is, in some ways, a matter of imbalance. If we begin our journey on the Path by remembering the importance of spiritual balance, keeping our perspective with the vision always before us, with our heads in the clouds and our feet firmly planted on the earth, we can keep our spiritual balance and achieve our goals.

Many blessings,
Rhoberta

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
Consultant. Coach. Counselor. Catalyst.
…providing you with success solutions for life, love & livelihood

www.Rhoberta.com

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©  Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
www.SoulWiseWays.com

I’ve learned that any focus on “getting” is a mistake.

In the last few years, many folks were brought to the awareness that their focus and thoughts make a huge difference in the outcomes in their lives. Unfortunately, films like The Secret (which wasn’t one)  make it seem like a magic bullet. You want. You focus. You get. That may seem like quite the neat trick to those new to the process, and, it certainly can seem to work that way…for a while.

Soon after The Secret came out, a former coaching client of mine gave me a mournful call.

“We watched The Secret. We read the book. We did everything it said and we got great results. We were able to sell our house in a down-turning economy and get a great deal on a new home in a much more upscale neighborhood. We didn’t think we could qualify and yet, we did. Now nothing is working. What are we doing wrong?”

Before I tell you my response, let me share something important with you: it is who you are and how you are in the world that counts in the big picture. It’s not what you are “getting.”  It is your relationship with God that makes all the difference. If you are simply trying to use a thought-system, the change in you will work for you for a little while. If you want a life that works, you have to do the work to change your consciousness…and, you have to maintain that change moment-by-moment.

My response to my client, a woman I had come to know absolutely prizes and measures her success by her possessions was:

“I’m delighted for you that you have experienced what changing your perspective and practices can do for you.  What are your current spiritual practices?  Now, I don’t want to hear about your affirmation rituals. I want to know about your spiritual practices. What do you now do differently in relationship to God as well was in relationship to people, circumstances and conditions in your life?”

She had no answer. She did nothing different except focus on what she wanted to buy more of, visualized it and believed she would simply draw it to her. That is NOT a spiritual practice.

When we are faced with the appearance of any discord, inharmony, pain, lack or limitation and we are tempted to make a mental effort to indulge in vigorous thought-taking, affirmations and denials in order to achieve the peace or supply we want, it is a good step. But here is a radical thought that stems from a commitment to remembering that you and God are One:

Whenever there is an appearance of discord, you can simply relax.  You don’t have to make any mental effort if you know and believe that your good does not come to you by force or mental power. It comes from the very gentle Spirit.  It doesn’t come from striving, by making big efforts, by engaging in vigorous positive thought or affirmation. It comes from the depths of your being, in the stillness, in quietness, and in confidence.

You are never separated from God and God can only do for you what God can do through you. So, give.  That’s your job. God will take care of the rest. I know this.

SoulWise Blessings,
Rhoberta

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
Consultant. Coach. Counselor. Catalyst.
Catalyst to creating the life, love & livelihood that fulfills you & serves the life of the world.
www.SoulWiseWays.com
www.SpiritualLivingNetwork.com

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©  Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
www.SoulWiseWays.com

When we were writing Soul Solitude: Taking Time for Our Souls to Catch Up, I had to include my favorite question:

“For what might this be good?”

I call it “the magic question.”  It is simply the quickest shortcut from “Ain’t it awful?” to “Maybe I can do something with this?”

When something happens that could quickly take you down a rabbit hole, you can immediately shortcut that journey by asking “the magic question.” You’ve shifted your attention from why it is potentially disastrous to a broader perspective, acknowledging the bigger picture.

I don’t know about you but I know that I will never be up high enough to see the Grand Plan. What I do believe is that all is working itself out in the highest and best way for all concerned, even when, to my limited vision, it appears otherwise.  Hence, the power of “the magic question!”

Is it possible that I need to throw away my rose-colored glasses?  Certainly. Anything is possible. BUT, if I had a hundred dollars for every time I’ve heard someone say this of an event that, at the time, they thought was a tragedy and nearly the end of the world, I’d be an even richer woman:

“You know, it turned out to be the best thing that could have happened! Couldn’t see it at the time, but that’s the truth.”

We are just not up high enough to see all the whole picture. We see only our circumstances and conditions. And, believe me, I know that they are not the truth! We are so much more than our circumstances and conditions, yet, many folks react to them as if they were a)real and b)ours. Neither is true. It is simply our limited vision at the moment that leads us to think they are real and ours.

We can help keep our “eyes on the prize”, our focus on the larger Life, by using that simple question as early as we can in response to anything happening in our world:

“For what might this be good?”

Many blessings, much joy and great love,
Rhoberta

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
Consultant. Coach. Counselor. Catalyst.
….leading you to create the life, love & livelihood that fulfills you and serves the life of the world
www.SoulWiseWays.com
www.ForWomenEntrepreneurs.com
www.SpiritualLivingNetwork.com

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©  Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
www.SoulWiseWays.com

It would be folly to think that we can go about in life doing anything we please. Many have learned that the hard way as the twig has been bent first one way, then the other. My mother’s generation seemed most concerned with

“What will other people think?”

My grandson’s generation has an entitlement mentality:

“The world owes me big time.”

This turned my mother into a chronic worrier, stifling her desires, ambitions and talents to keep other people from potentially making judgments that would upset her, and my grandson into a teenager with an underlying anger at the world. Unfortunately, my mother retained her position and spent most of her time making other people wrong. Fortunately, my wonderful grandson got out in the world and found that he was the one who was going to have to make his way.  I’m so proud of him as he has grasped the realities of sustaining himself in the world without letting go of his precious sense of self.

I recently had a mentoring client who came to the weekly call upset. He said that he had just had an encounter with a colleague that angered him to the point of yelling, swearing and throwing the fellow out of his office.  To his chagrin, I said,

“So, you are a CEO who yells, swears and throws people out of your office.”

He then became somewhat upset with me as he explained that his behavior was simply a response to the outrageous behavior of his VP.  He was clear that this fellow had overstepped all boundaries and had clearly no understanding of appropriate behavior. So, my client justified his behavior, and I said:

“So, you are a CEO who yells, swears and throws people out of your office.”

Again, he patiently tried to explain to me that he had never yelled, sworn or thrown anyone out of his office before, therefore, this was a special case. He plead his case that it was all about the VP and had nothing to do with him.  He was simply reacting–or, he preferred to think it was responding–to this unseemly, inappropriate behavior.

Slowly I did my best to lead him to see that his choice of behavior was entirely his and the proddings of the VP had really nothing to do with his response.  If he were the person he believed himself to be: kind, fair, encouraging and empowering, he had the strength and clarity to choose to respond to the VP from that place. Trying to justify his reaction by placing the power in the hands of the VP is simply crooked thinking!

There is no escape: who you are is what you do. That’s why it is so important to take the time–as I do with my mentees–to reflect, to discuss and to clarify who you are. Then, you will do what that person, the one you have defined, does. Then, you will not give away your power and allow others to “make” you do things that are outside of your values and your decisions about your life.

In my opinion, there is no escape: I am what I do in every situation.  How about you? Are you willing to take that stand?

Many blessings, great joy and much love to you,
Rhoberta

Rhoberta Shaler, Phd
Consultant. Coach. Counselor. Catalyst.
…leading you to the life, love & livelihood that fulfills you and serves the life of the world.
www.SoulWiseWays.com
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©  Rhoberta Shaler, PhD

Is that heresy to say that there is no such thing as balance? Some would scream so…but, they may be just a little reactive.  So, just to put “them” at rest, let me say right off that top that balance is a good idea. But….

We can only hold onto it for a few moments.  The truth is we are never balanced, or even, in balance. What there is, if we are realistic and understanding that perfection will always elude us, is balancing.  We are always balancing. It is a dynamic process, not static. It’s a journey, not a destination. You get the picture.

Wanting to pay attention to creating a balanced life is absolutely admirable. I hope every one of us has that as a top priority. We spend quite a bit of time in our book, Soul Solitude: Taking Time for Our Souls to Catch Up, talking about the nine arenas of attention in life that need consideration in order to approach a sense of feeling balanced…even for a short while. So, although it might have sounded initially like heresy, I hope you’re breathing easier now!

As a psychologist and a seminar and keynote presenter for more than twenty-five years, I can say with some confidence that the one thing that many women do not give themselves is their own attention. They are so busy taking care of others–or, at least, the feelings and opinions of others–that they put themselves at the bottom of their list.  And, I’ll also tell you, that although they ‘fess us to that being true during the class, most have sunk to the bottom of their lists in a week or less following the seminar, too.  It’s a VERY bad habit, not according yourself the same time and attention you offer others in life. I’ve known women who speak to the checkout person in the supermarket better, with more care, consideration and thoughtfulness, than they speak to themselves internally!

So, balancing….how are you doing?  Would you share a tip or two that keep you on an even keel? Just offer them in the comments area below this blog entry.

To Your Success!
Rhoberta

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
Consultant. Coach. Counselor. Catalyst.
…leading you to the life & livelihood that fulfills you & serves the life of the world

http://ForWomenEntrepreneurs.com
http://SoulWiseWays.com

If you’d like to send me an email directly, do so:  RS@SoulWiseWays.com

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© Rhoberta Shaler, PhD

I think a very important part of the discussion around creating a SoulWise Life is in determining the difference between Ego and Soul.

There are some writers who would have us get rid of the Ego as quickly as possible, which, in our way of thinking in Soul Solitude, would mean a quick end to earthly life. We think the Ego is an important part that needs to be acknowledged and recognized for what it does for us. What we want to avoid is an Ego-Driven Life.

The Ego is a necessary part of us and definitely a part that we are wise to embrace. When it is in the driver’s seat, however, in a relationship, that tenderness, availability, sensitivity and willingness is over-shadowed by the Ego needs.

We talk a lot about the Ego in Soul Solitude because we believe it is quite misunderstood. There are many who suggest that we must “kill the Ego” if we are to live spiritual lives. We say, “Not so.” The Soul does not matter to the Ego, however, so the Ego truly resists our achieving Soul Solitude. The Ego is outwardly focused on acquiring, doing, keeping, having. The Ego thinks sitting is Soul Solitude is a waste of the precious time it believes is so limited!

The Ego leads us into interesting places…to say the least! Then, it is up to us to apply spiritual principles to where we find ourselves. That is the shift from Ego-Driven to SoulWise.

What are your thoughts on the matter?

Many blessings,
Rhoberta

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD

Consultant. Coach. Counselor. Catalyst.
Founder, Spiritual Living Network, www.SpiritualLivingNetwork.com
Co-Author, Soul Solitude: Taking Time for Our Souls to Catch Up, www.SoulSolitude.com

www.SoulWiseWays.com

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Rhoberta Shaler, PhD

Yesterday, I was talking with an interesting woman with whom I have much in common. We are both authors and have a strong spiritual foundation we share. We talked about such current topics as:

> creating your reality
> living your beliefs
> The Law of Attraction
> The Law of Mental Equivalents
> consistency of purpose

Some fairly lofty principles. In speaking about the Law of Attraction–an old concept previously well-documented by Ernest Holmes, Founder of Religious Science and called The Law of Cause & Effect coupled with the Law of Mental Equivalents, we both were clear about one thing: if a “Law” works sometimes, it must work all the time. It couldn’t be a “Law” (I don’t much like that word!) if it was not true all the time.

We talked about The Secret and how it had brought attention to the idea of intentionality in creating outcomes. We agreed that it was a good thing, but not a deep-enough thing. It did not bring folks to the truth that you have to live your spiritual principles every moment, not just when you want something!

So, not to belabor the point, we had agreement on principles! She spoke of the many things she had manifested easily and effortlessly. She knows it all works and how to use it. She teaches it. There was no question in her mind.

As we were ending the conversation she said something interesting,

“I’d love to do something with you if I had any money at all, but, I don’t.”

And we said “Goodbye.”

If a principle works, it works all the time. If it works in one area of life, it works in all areas of life. So, what is the key that needs turning for her to create profit in her life?

What do you think is required?

Let’s talk about it here.

I wish you well.
Rhoberta

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
Consultant. Coach. Counselor. Catalyst.
…leading you to align your values, vision, beliefs & purpose to create the life & livelihood you long for
www.ForWomenEntrepreneurs.com
www.SoulWiseWays.com

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© Rhoberta Shaler, PhD

I was reading an amazing…and, I mean that quite literally…printout a friend created for me, telling me about myself and my inner processing, my innate human design. Because of my work owning a yoga and management retreat as well as my deep interest in all things leading to personal and spiritual growth, I’ve had many such analyzes over the years. This one is, as I said, truly amazing.

What struck me particularly and truly made me smile was this phrase, “For you, action arises out of receptivity. Trust in the power of waiting.”  The smile came from the long, long road it took for me to walk from,

“I have an idea. I can make it work right now. Just watch me.” to

“Let’s see how it unfolds!”

Patience, listening, waiting. These lessons took much time to arrive. For years, I talked about patience and listening and waiting, yet, I was impatient, talking and doing. Good things often came as a result because the work was useful and practical. The time it has taken to arrive at a place of quiet, listening and responding has, no doubt, been the right time. Now, as I read those words in that printout, all I could do was smile and say,

“Thank you.”

Have a patient, listening day allowing Life to unfold before you.

To Your Success!
Rhoberta

P.S.  You can connect with me on LinkedIn, Facebook & Twitter. Look for ‘RhobertaShaler’

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
Consultant. Coach. Counselor. Catalyst.
….leading you to the life & livelihood that fulfills you & serves the life of the world
www.SoulWiseWays.com

Founder, www.ForWomenEntrepreneurs.com
Join For Women Entrepreneurs today and enjoy interviews, articles & more.
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©  Rhoberta Shaler, PhD

You Are Rich If…

You remember the image of something so exquisitely beautiful it took your breath away.

You can hear a friend’s words of encouragement still ringing in your ear.

You remember one wise thing a caring adult told you.

You remember a time when laughter caused tears to run down your cheeks and you to double over to catch your breath.

You have any holiday tradition that you still insist on following, no matter how trivial or crazy.

You have someone with whom you have no secrets, some who knows you well and loves you because of it.

You know how it feels to have your heart expand with love.

You like yourself and demonstrate it by treating yourself well.

You know what brings you joy and you create it purposefully.

You have a happy memory that lights you up on dark days.

You see the cup half full, and know you are holding the pitcher to fill it.

You love freely without judgment, just because it’s who you are.

You have released past hurts as there is no remedy.

You embrace the present moment because it is the only time you have.

You have someone to call who will brighten up by hearing your voice.

You know there is no one to blame and no longer go looking for them.

You believe you are beautiful in every way.

You notice and appreciate small joys, wonders and gestures as well as the big ones.

You believe in yourself and others.

Someone lights up when you walk in the room.

You have loved and been loved by a dog.

Every day you find something for which to give thanks.

I give thanks for you for…

…finding the sunlight and walking in it even when the world wants to tell you it is raining and there’s more to come.

…loving life because you’re breathing–and it beats what is in second place.

…bringing a smile to someone’s face by putting one on your own.

…taking the time to appreciate the presence of another in your life.

…reaching out to say “Thank you” for the small things that touch your heart and mind.

…living your truth, no matter what those around you have to say about it.

…remembering that life is a journey to be experienced fully, not a destination to reach or a race to be won.

…being ever aware of the gift of Life in every moment, opening it and being delighted with whatever is in the package.

…and for being a center of peace, love and well-being–on purpose.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Many blessings, much love and great joy,
Rhoberta

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
Consultant. Coach. Counselor. Catalyst.
…leading you to align your values, vision, beliefs & purpose to create the life & livelihood you long for
www.ForWomenEntrepreneurs.com
www.SoulWiseWays.com

Get inspiring quotes daily. Subscribe to www.DailySpiritualQuotes.com

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© Rhoberta Shaler, PhD

Do you ever feel over-compromised in your relationships?

Like you’ve given in, given over, and maybe even given up?

If you’ve ever said these words, you’re there.“IT’S NOT WORTH THE HASSLE!!!”

Those are complaints I hear often from my relationship coaching clients who are searching for the keys to having the relationship they long for, but haven’t yet experienced.

We are told over and over that every relationship involves a certain amount of compromise. And, it’s true. There is very little value in arguing over whose movie gets chosen every single time. There’s a logical place to compromise. The problem is that many folks live with constant feelings of giving in, giving over and have simply given up. And, there are cures!

Unfortunately, there is no magic, though. Relationship begins with you, not the other person. If I had a hundred dollars for each couple who say they want to improve their relationship and have come into my office or to a coaching call with this attitude, I’d be delighted:

“If only you could teach her/him ______________, our relationship would be great.”

Now, those couples seldom say that out loud. They really believe that if I could just fix their partners all problems would disappear. They come in hoping that I’ll simply take the back off their partner, make a few adjustments, and all will be heavenly. Those unspoken agendas and secret fantasies need great consideration…because you may them and never even make it to my office or telephone. You simply delude yourself with the idea that it’s your partner’s issues that make the relationship difficult.

Relationship starts with knowing who you are, AND, who you are in relationship. Examining that and how it came to be true is an essential beginning point. In the four-week SoulWise Loving class, we work on ourselves in new ways for the first two weeks. Big surprise to many folks, cuz they came to find out the secrets of fixing their partner!!

Compromise is only one of five major ways to manage conflict. And, conflict is not a four-letter word. It simply means a difference of opinion, style or point-of-view. Learning how to manage conflict effectively and productively is key for everyone, in every relationship. It goes hand-in-hand with also learning to communicate and negotiate skillfully–both also learned skills.

Where did you learn to manage conflict? If you are like most people, it was learned by watching others. That spectrum runs between screaming, yelling and serving up ultimatums to acquiesing, backing down and avoiding confrontation at all costs. None of those strategies are wise or productive. You’ve likely noticed that.

If you find yourself compromising more than is comfortable, take the time to ask yourself why you do that. If you think you’re just seeking peace, examine that. Peace is great, but, if it begins to be accompanied by resentment, you need another strategy.

You need to know who you are and what you value, believe, and desire. Peace at all cost is not likely it. That will lead you to over-compromising. That is simply under-valuing yourself. If this is a description of your relationship, you are not headed towards SoulWise Loving.

SoulWise Loving begins in Soul Solitude. When we wrote that book, Soul Solitude: Taking Time for Our Souls to Catch Up, we gave you guidelines, reasons and principles for taking time for your soul to catch up. That’s the starting point to have the most glorious life possible. You deserve it.

Overcome over-compromising now.

I wish you well.
Rhoberta

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
Consultant. Coach. Counselor. Catalyst..
Founder, SoulWise Ways
www.SoulWiseWays.com
Dr. Shaler coaches couples to develop soul-to-soul relationships.  Contact her directly at RS@SoulWiseWays.com to schedule a consultation.

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