© Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
www.SoulWiseWays.com
It would be folly to think that we can go about in life doing anything we please. Many have learned that the hard way as the twig has been bent first one way, then the other. My mother’s generation seemed most concerned with
“What will other people think?”
My grandson’s generation has an entitlement mentality:
“The world owes me big time.”
This turned my mother into a chronic worrier, stifling her desires, ambitions and talents to keep other people from potentially making judgments that would upset her, and my grandson into a teenager with an underlying anger at the world. Unfortunately, my mother retained her position and spent most of her time making other people wrong. Fortunately, my wonderful grandson got out in the world and found that he was the one who was going to have to make his way. I’m so proud of him as he has grasped the realities of sustaining himself in the world without letting go of his precious sense of self.
I recently had a mentoring client who came to the weekly call upset. He said that he had just had an encounter with a colleague that angered him to the point of yelling, swearing and throwing the fellow out of his office. To his chagrin, I said,
“So, you are a CEO who yells, swears and throws people out of your office.”
He then became somewhat upset with me as he explained that his behavior was simply a response to the outrageous behavior of his VP. He was clear that this fellow had overstepped all boundaries and had clearly no understanding of appropriate behavior. So, my client justified his behavior, and I said:
“So, you are a CEO who yells, swears and throws people out of your office.”
Again, he patiently tried to explain to me that he had never yelled, sworn or thrown anyone out of his office before, therefore, this was a special case. He plead his case that it was all about the VP and had nothing to do with him. He was simply reacting–or, he preferred to think it was responding–to this unseemly, inappropriate behavior.
Slowly I did my best to lead him to see that his choice of behavior was entirely his and the proddings of the VP had really nothing to do with his response. If he were the person he believed himself to be: kind, fair, encouraging and empowering, he had the strength and clarity to choose to respond to the VP from that place. Trying to justify his reaction by placing the power in the hands of the VP is simply crooked thinking!
There is no escape: who you are is what you do. That’s why it is so important to take the time–as I do with my mentees–to reflect, to discuss and to clarify who you are. Then, you will do what that person, the one you have defined, does. Then, you will not give away your power and allow others to “make” you do things that are outside of your values and your decisions about your life.
In my opinion, there is no escape: I am what I do in every situation. How about you? Are you willing to take that stand?
Many blessings, great joy and much love to you,
Rhoberta
Rhoberta Shaler, Phd
Consultant. Coach. Counselor. Catalyst.
…leading you to the life, love & livelihood that fulfills you and serves the life of the world.
www.SoulWiseWays.com
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3 Comments so far.
If who I am is what I do, then I’m in trouble. I’m in a job I hate with people I don’t like. Do I have to change that, too?
Isn’t it true that sometimes you just have to set folks straight and tell it like it is?
I make my living on the internet and some folks think of it as spam. Now, you’ve got me thinking. If who I am is what I do, am I really a person who enters the “homes” of people I’ve never met without knocking, so to speak? Isn’t that breaking and entering? I never thought about it this way.
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